January 2010
1 post
January 20, 2010: 11:45 AM
Dude [perched on a chair, wearing chains]: Guzzle it, Sarah, we gotta fly.
Sarah: It’s freaking hot.
Dude: I know it is, baby. Guzzle it.
November 2009
3 posts
November 10, 2009: 12:15 PM
Crazy (?) Man: ‘Scuze me lady, what do you think of the weather.
Woman: [silence]
Crazy (?) Man: The weather. Do you like it. This weather. How do you like it. Do you like it? Do you like this weather??
Woman: No, thank you.
Crazy (?) Man: I ASKED IF YOU LIKED THE WEATHER, YOU BITCH.
Woman: (shakes her head)
Table-mate of Woman: She doesn’t speak English.
Crazy (?) Man: Oh....
November 9, 2009: 10:34 AM
Girl #1: I could never be bigger than the guy.
Girl #2: Yeah, you like big fat guys.
Girl #1: I don’t want to, you know, I could like, I could crush him!
Token Guy Friend (who is heavy): Yeah, and you want to be protected?
Girl #1: Yeah, exactly, I want this big giant bear.
Girl #2: Kate, that’s retarded. You’re so small. I think you have a warped view!
Token Guy Friend:...
November 1, 2009: 2:35 PM
Girl #1: I’m just like, what’s up with her eyebrows? Take care of that.
Girl #2: That’s the thing. I didn’t get it at first, but she works them.
Girl #1: She ignores them. They’re crawling around on her forehead, at this point, all the hairs.
Girl #2: I asked Brian and he said his friends thought she was hot.
Girl #1: That sounds like code for Brian thinks...
September 2009
3 posts
September 8, 2009, 3:36 PM
Young Woman [to her companion]: What do you talk about, dolls? Do you sit around and talk about dolls?
Companion: Yeah, she’ll talk about them.
Young Woman: What, with bear voices, or what?
Companion: About them, I said about them, it’s not a puppet show.
September 3, 1:45 PM
Man [on his hands-free phone]: The important thing to keep in mind — you know, when you deal with people, people like him — is if it’s too simple, it just goes whoosh, it gets classified with the information that’s not useful, it’s not relevant, everybody’s thinking “What am I looking for? What’s happening here?” Suspicious. What I’m...
September 1, 2009: 10:35 AM
Girl #1 [approaching a table of two other girls]: Hey, I’m sorry, could I bum one of those? [points to pack of cigarettes on the table]
Girl #2: Oh, sorry, I only have like 2?
Girl #3: She just gave like three to that guy, so… [gestures vaguely at a crazy man who is pacing and mumbling on the corner, sucking on a cigarette]
Girl #2: So yeah, sorry, you know how it is when like,...
August 2009
9 posts
August 30, 2009: 12:35 PM
Man: Are you waiting for the bathroom?
Me: Yeah.
Man: Really. How long have you been waiting?
Me: Not too long?
Man: About how long?
Me: Maybe three or four minutes?
Man: That’s certainly long enough for them to finish, don’t you think?
Me: Do you want me to knock?
Man: No, I’ll talk to them about it when they come out.
August 26, 12:55 PM
Man [on his cell phone]: No no no. Yeah yeah yeah. These are contract players. I told you no scale from the beginning. Yeah, these are names. That’s what I told you. No no no no. Whoa whoa. You know what, though? I’m out. I’m at a Starbucks. I’ll call you in ten minutes. I’ll call you in five.
August 25, 11:55 AM
Man [to his companion]: I used to live in Santa Barbara. Everybody got really old, though.
August 23, 2009: 6:30 PM
Guy #1: I think you should dump her.
Guy #2: I would, but if she took the dog, I’d kill myself.
Guy #1: That’s fair.
August 22, 2009: 1 PM
Young child [points to giant apple fritter]: Please.
Mother: No, because it has a lot of sugar.
Young child: Oh, please. Please.
Mother: No, I’m sorry. But I will get you an apple juice.
Young child: Please, mom, please. I hate apple juice. I want the donut. Please.
[The mother hands the kid the apple juice. He throws it to the ground]
Mother: At that rate, you’ll never get the...
August 21, 2009: 4:17 PM
A group of 30-somethings is around a table outdoors, 2 leashed dogs tethered to the underside of chairs.
Man #1: I said stop working on it! What’s the point! Don’t quit your day job! That’s what I told him!
Woman #1: Like he even has a day job!
Man #2: He works at Dupar’s —
Man #1: No, he got fired from there.
Man #2 and Woman #2: WHAT???
Woman #2: When? Oh my...
August 21, 2009: 4 PM
Teenage Girl [to barista]: This doesn’t taste right.
Barista: What is it?
Teenage Girl: I ordered a caramel macchiato.
Barista: And it’s not?
Teenage Girl: It tastes weird?
Barista: How so?
Teenage Girl: I think you’re just supposed to make me another one for free.
August 11, 2009: 11:30 AM
Woman 1: I’m soooooo hungry. I could eat all this. [motions to sandwiches]
Woman 2: So get something.
Woman 1: Noooo, I can’t.
Woman 2: You said you were hungry.
Woman 1: I’m starving.
Woman 2: So get something then.
Woman 1: Those sandwiches are so fattening.
Woman 2: So get a salad.
Woman 1: I don’t want a salad. If I got something I’d get a donut or a...
August 7, 2009
Pre-teen Girl: She said I was good, though, she said that, like, that me and like Alex and Anna were the best, she didn’t say the best but she said that we, like, she used us as an example —
Her Dad [I hope]: When you did the pyramid?
Pre-teen Girl: Yeah, the pyramid, and the floor, when we did the squats —
Her Dad: Were you at the top of the pyramid?
[They get their drinks...
May 2009
13 posts
May 30, 2009: 1:30 PM
Woman 1: Are you going to that thing later? The thing tonight?
Woman 2: I don’t know, you know, seriously, I have to see how I feel…
Woman 1: Yeah, totally. You should go, though.
Woman 2: It’s just that it could be so intense, you know, I feel so tired right now. I could just lie down and go to sleep.
Woman 1: Maybe take a nap?
Woman 2: Yeah. If I take a nap I won’t...
May 28, 2009: 5:10 PM
Girl #1: I feel sorry for hiiiiim.
Girl #2: But he’s so uglyyyyy.
Girl #1: But I feel sorry for hiiiim.
May 25, 2009: 3:15 PM
[Nina Simone is playing]
Guy (to his companion): Who’s this dude?
Companion: I don’t know, but I like it.
May 23, 2009: 3:00 PM
Woman 1: Try telling him to get anything done, though.
Woman 2: Oh yeah?
Woman 1: I’ll say, like, Jacob, blah blah blah, you know, come on.
Woman 2: Right.
Woman 1: It’s like he won’t do anything without some sort of a bribe.
May 22, 2009: 6:00 PM
Man: You don’t move to the Valley for excitement, okay?
May 22, 2009: 4:30 PM
Teen Girl #1: I know, but my dad will take care of that.
Teen Girl #2: He will?? No, he won’t, will he?
Teen Girl #1: Shut up, Sarah, he will.
May 22, 2009: 4:17 PM
Canvasser: Hi, got a minute for Amnesty International?
Woman: I don’t buy into that shit.
May 22, 2009: 4:15 PM
Girl #1: I was going to have a water, actually.
Girl #2: WHAT?!
May 22, 2009: 4:05 PM
Woman [to her young child]: And that’s exactly why — exactly why — I don’t believe in corporal punishment.
May 20, 2009: 5:00 PM
Man on cellular phone, emphatic: Did I not tell you you’re my boy, you’re my best fucking boy? That’s right. That’s what you are.
May 17th, 2009: 5:30 PM
Man: You think that church sucked? You should have seen Tom’s church. Tom’s church made that church feel like a Wilco concert.
May 16th, 2009: 6:30 PM
Small child on scooter outside: Hey! AHHHH!
Slightly larger child on scooter outside: What?
Small child: I hate you!
Slightly larger child: Why?
Small child: You ran in front of me and made me fall!
[They stand on the sidewalk. A car comes up to the corner stop sign, they both turn and wave to the person inside.]
May 15, 2009; 6 PM
GUY 1: I’ve dated a girl as big as April.
GUY 2: Really?
GUY 1: Yeah, tall girls don’t intimidate me.